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Surrogates and Sex – Are There Any Rules and Restrictions?

Surrogates and Sex - Are There Any Rules and Restrictions?

Surrogates are real flesh and blood women who are living life to fullest in their prime years. The relationship status of a surrogate can vary greatly – from married to dating, divorced or single, etc. The topic of her sex life will be examined by the agency and the intended parents, there’s no doubt about that. A surrogate’s sexual activity is part of the screening process, and there’s specific parts of the journey where she’s expected to refrain from sexual intercourse. Read on to learn more about how surrogacy and sex can coexist in a journey.

The Dos and Don’ts of Sex for Surrogates

Sexual Activity at the Beginning of the Journey

Once a surrogate has officially embarked on a journey and is matched with intended parents, she is expected to take all precautions to avoid getting pregnant with her own baby. This includes not engaging in unprotected coitus sex with a male partner (sexual intercourse). 

The fertility clinic may advise that a surrogate start birth control pills while she’s going through the medical screening process, especially if she’s married or in a relationship.

Abstinence During Medication Cycles

At the point in the journey when legal contracts are signed and a surrogate has started IVF medication with the clinic, the surrogate may be expected to practice abstinence, or more specifically intercourse. There will be a specific date in medicine calendar when she needs to stop taking birth control, which can obviously make her susceptible to accidentally getting pregnant with her own baby. Sexual activities that cannot cause a pregnancy are allowed, as long as her partner has been screened for all sexually transmitted diseases.

Sex After Heartbeat Confirmation

Once the surrogate has completed embryo transfer and there’s been heartbeat confirmation, then she can resume regular sex with her partner (again, as long as her partner has been disclosed to the intended parents and has also been medically screened). Heartbeat confirmation is the start to some great milestones in the journey including a confirmed pregnancy, base compensation starts, and you can have sex again!

Medical Screening for a Surrogate’s Sexual Partner

All surrogates who are in a relationship must disclose it to the agency and the intended parents. Both themselves and their partner will complete medical screening for infectious disease (which includes STDs).

Surrogates who are single are asked to use best judgment and not engage in casual sexual encounters during their time as an active surrogate. The intended parents will be trusting the surrogate to never put their baby at risk by possibly exposing themselves to sexually transmitted diseases. 

Dating While You’re An Active Surrogate

If you begin a new relationship during your time as a surrogate (or get back together with your ex), then you must disclose this to the agency, who will notify the parents. Be prepared for the possibility of some concern or pushback from the parents, they may be concerned about this change in your life. On the other hand, they may be fine with it.

Surrogate Getting Pregnant With Their Own Baby

Speaking frankly, do accidents happen? Yep, they do. Many matches between surrogates and intended parents have been broken because a surrogate accidentally got pregnant with her own baby before embryo transfer. This can be really heartbreaking for intended parents who have been waiting a long time to match with a surrogate. So please, do your best to be good.

How Husbands and Boyfriends Feel About the Sex Rules for Surrogacy

I know many surrogates who have dealt with pushback from their male partners about the restrictions of sex during a surrogacy journey. They tend to be concerned that their own “needs” won’t be taken care of and they’ll be neglected in the relationship. You can put their fears to rest, and let them know that there’s still plenty of ways they can be “taken care of”, if you catch my drift. But, this is only true if they are willing to undergo medical screening, which does include blood draw and urine test.

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