Home » Intended Parents » A Doula and Your Surrogacy Pregnancy – Guide on How Doulas Can Support Surrogates and Intended Parents

A Doula and Your Surrogacy Pregnancy – Guide on How Doulas Can Support Surrogates and Intended Parents

Embarking on a surrogacy journey is a unique and deeply rewarding experience, but it also comes with its own set of emotional and physical demands. Whether you’re a first-time surrogate or have been through the process before, having the right support system can make all the difference.

Doulas, trained professionals specializing in physical, emotional, and informational support during pregnancy and childbirth, can play a vital role in ensuring a positive surrogacy experience. This guide explores how doulas can empower gestational surrogates by offering tailored care, fostering emotional well-being, and navigating the unique dynamics of carrying a child for someone else.

What is a Doula?

A doula is a trained professional who provides non-medical, continuous support to individuals during pregnancy, childbirth, and the postpartum period. Their primary focus is on the emotional, physical, and informational needs of the birthing person, ensuring they feel empowered and well-cared for throughout their journey.

Unlike medical professionals such as doctors or midwives, doulas do not perform clinical tasks or make medical decisions; instead, they act as advocates, comfort providers, and knowledgeable companions.

Doulas can offer guidance on birth plans, pain management techniques, and coping strategies, as well as provide reassurance and encouragement during labor. Their role extends beyond childbirth, often including postpartum care to help new parents adjust and recover.

How to Find a Doula for Your Pregnancy

Finding the right doula for your pregnancy can significantly enhance your experience by providing personalized support and care. Start by researching local doulas through online directories, such as DONA International or local doula associations, which often provide detailed profiles and contact information. Reach out to your healthcare provider, midwife, or childbirth educator for recommendations, as they may have trusted connections within the birthing community. Joining local parenting or pregnancy groups can also be helpful, as members often share personal experiences and referrals.

In California we have many doulas experienced with surrogacy because the surrogacy laws are very favorable in our state. Fun fact, many doulas are experienced surrogates themselves because the miracle of creating life is their passion.

Tips to Selecting the Right Doula for You

Once you have a list of potential doulas, schedule interviews to ensure a good fit. During the interview, ask about their training, certifications, experience, and approach to supporting surrogacy pregnancies. Discuss your expectations, preferences, and any specific needs related to your journey as a surrogate. Compatibility and comfort are key, so trust your instincts when choosing someone who aligns with your values and feels like the right match.

How Doulas Can Help with a Surrogacy Pregnancy

During the course of a surrogacy journey, you have many people who are actively involved in the process. Of course you have the surrogate and the intended parents, but there’s also the surrogacy agency’s case manager, attorneys, doctors and sometimes there’s also an IVF case manager for the beginning process. All of these players are meant to help support both the surrogate and the intended parents, but a doula can be a dedicated support person for just the surrogate.

If the surrogate and intended parents would like for the doula to serve as a bridge between the two parties, then that is something that can be discussed beforehand. The doula care plan can be customized for the needs of the journey.

Who Pays for a Doula in a Surrogacy Journey?

When a surrogate signs with a surrogacy agency, she will receive a document called a benefits package. The contents of the document includes all the payments made to surrogate in compensation, and then it also budgets for pregnancy wellness care which can be used for doula services (during my surrogacy journey my budget was $1,000).

Does Health Insurance Cover the Costs of Hiring a Doula?

For my surrogacy labor and delivery, the hospital assigned me a birth doula which was paid for by my health insurance. I did not get to select who I wanted as my doula, but the woman I was paired with was amazing and it was a great experience. She was only available to me during my hospital stay and there was no postpartum follow-up care that my insurance would pay for.

Every health insurance policy is different, so you would need to call them to see what doula services is possibly covered by your insurance policy. Unfortunately this type of care is often considered elective and not often covered by traditional health insurance.

On another note, during my postpartum recovery my health insurance covered pelvic floor therapy for me. I just needed my OB to send me as a referral patient.

IVF Fertility Doula

All surrogates are IVF patients because this is how they get pregnant and carry another family’s baby (gestational carrier surrogates are never biologically related to the baby). An IVF fertility doula specializes in supporting individuals and couples navigating the journey of in vitro fertilization (IVF). These doulas provide emotional, physical, and informational assistance throughout the fertility process, offering guidance from initial consultations to embryo transfer and beyond. They help clients understand complex medical procedures, prepare for treatments, and manage the physical and emotional toll of fertility challenges.

Fertility doulas also offer stress-reduction techniques such as mindfulness, relaxation exercises, and dietary or lifestyle advice tailored to enhance fertility health. By serving as compassionate advocates and knowledgeable companions, IVF fertility doulas empower clients to approach their fertility journey with confidence and resilience.

Labor and Delivery Birth Doula

A labor and delivery birth doula is a trained professional who provides continuous physical, emotional, and informational support during childbirth. Their role is to help the birthing person feel empowered, comforted, and confident throughout labor and delivery.

Doulas offer hands-on assistance with pain relief techniques, such as breathing exercises, massage, and positioning to promote comfort and progress during labor. They provide encouragement, reassurance, and advocacy, ensuring the birthing person’s preferences and birth plan are respected while collaborating with the medical team.

Whether delivering in a hospital, birthing center, or at home, a labor and delivery doula serves as a steady, supportive presence, focusing on creating a positive and memorable birth experience.

Postpartum Doula

Postpartum in surrogacy looks very different for the surrogate mother than the new parents. Postpartum surrogates focus on their own self-care and healing, while the parents are learning newborn care and navigating parenthood. A postpartum doulas can assist both of these parties through this period, the care plan will just look very different.

Postpartum Doula for New Parents

A postpartum doula provides support to families during the transitional period after childbirth. Their role focuses on helping parents adjust to life with a newborn by offering physical, emotional, and educational assistance. Postpartum doulas assist with newborn care, such as feeding, soothing techniques, and establishing routines, while also providing guidance on self-care and recovery for the birthing person.

They can help ease the workload by supporting light household tasks, preparing meals, or caring for older siblings, creating a nurturing environment for the entire family.

Beyond practical help, postpartum doulas offer emotional support, helping parents navigate feelings of overwhelm or anxiety, and connecting them with resources if additional help is needed. Their presence ensures a smoother, more confident transition into parenthood.

Postpartum Doula for Surrogates

A postpartum doula for surrogates provides specialized support tailored to the unique needs of someone recovering from a surrogacy pregnancy. Unlike postpartum doulas who primarily focus on helping new parents adjust to life with a newborn, a surrogate’s doula centers on the surrogate’s physical and emotional recovery after childbirth. They offer assistance with physical healing, such as tips for managing postpartum discomfort and self-care routines, while providing emotional support to process the transition after fulfilling their surrogacy role. These doulas help surrogates navigate feelings that may arise after delivering a child for another family and ensure they feel valued and cared for throughout their recovery. Their guidance fosters a smooth postpartum experience, honoring the surrogate’s contribution and focusing on their unique journey.

Doula Assistance with Newborn Care

As mentioned above with postpartum care for new parents, a doula specializing in newborn care provides invaluable assistance to families as they adapt to life with a new baby. Their role focuses on helping parents feel confident and capable in caring for their newborn by offering hands-on guidance and education. Doulas assist with a variety of tasks, including feeding support—whether breastfeeding, bottle-feeding, or a combination—diapering, bathing, and soothing techniques to comfort the baby. They also help establish healthy sleep routines and answer questions about newborn behavior and development.

By providing emotional reassurance and practical tips, doulas reduce stress and empower parents to bond with their baby. Their support extends beyond the baby, ensuring the well-being of the entire family during this transformative time.

Virtual Remote Doula Care

Virtual remote doula care offers families access to professional support and guidance during pregnancy, childbirth, and the postpartum period, all through virtual platforms. This option is especially beneficial for those in remote areas or who prefer the convenience of digital support. Virtual doulas provide emotional encouragement, personalized advice, and educational resources through video calls, messages, and emails. They assist with creating birth plans, offering coping strategies for labor, and addressing postpartum recovery and newborn care concerns. Despite being remote, they ensure consistent, responsive communication, fostering a sense of connection and confidence. Virtual doula care adapts to the unique needs of each family, making professional support accessible regardless of location.

What is the Difference Between a Midwife and a Doula?

The key difference between a midwife and a doula lies in their roles and responsibilities during pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum. A midwife is a medically trained healthcare professional who provides clinical care, including prenatal checkups, monitoring the health of the birthing person and baby, and delivering the baby. They are qualified to handle medical procedures, prescribe medications, and address complications.

In contrast, a doula is a non-medical professional who focuses on providing emotional, physical, and informational support. Doulas assist with comfort measures, advocate for the birthing person’s preferences, and offer guidance throughout the birthing experience, but they do not perform medical tasks. While midwives focus on the medical aspects of childbirth, doulas prioritize the overall emotional and physical well-being of the birthing person, often complementing the care provided by midwives.

My Personal Experiences with Doulas

During my three pregnancies, I have had both positive and not so great experiences with doulas. Below I give two examples of a positive and negative experience with doulas.

My Negative Experience with a Doula

When I was pregnant with my first baby, I scheduled myself for a prenatal massage at a local birthing center. The woman who was doing the massage let me know that she also offered doula services. At the time I was not interested in any doula services and I simply just wanted to get a massage to help with aches and pains I was experiencing in my neck, shoulders and back. This woman preceded to lecture me on why I needed to have a doula, how I was doing things wrong during pregnancy, and basically tried to bully me into purchasing her services. The actual massage was extremely short and did not address the discomfort I was experiencing. I especially didn’t appreciate her tone and the approach she took, which ultimately meant that we were not at all compatible. If I had been actively seeking doula services at the time, I would have had a consultation which would have let me know that she was not the ideal match for me.

My Positive Experience with a Doula

During my third pregnancy (which was a surrogacy pregnancy), my husband had to stay home with the kids and couldn’t be my partner for labor and delivery. When I checked-in for my induction, the hospital offered me a doula to help me with labor and delivery. While I did have my intended mother there with me (she’s my bestie and she’s amazing), she didn’t have any experience with labor and couldn’t help much. The woman assigned to be my doula was amazing and we hit it off right away. She helped me with my labor ball, she help my hand during the spinal block for my epidural and she basically kept me company when everyone else was busy. She offered great support and she restored my belief in doulas after my previous negative experience.

In Conclusion

The key to a positive and empowering doula experience lies in finding a doula who is truly compatible with your needs, values, and personality. This relationship is deeply personal, as your doula will be by your side during one of the most transformative times in your life. Take the time to interview potential doulas, ask thoughtful questions, and trust your instincts when assessing their approach and communication style. A compatible doula not only provides skilled support but also fosters a sense of trust and connection, ensuring you feel understood, respected, and empowered throughout your journey. By prioritizing compatibility, you set the foundation for a meaningful partnership that enhances your pregnancy, birth, or postpartum experience.

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